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mama2be932
My partner & I have been together for years now, I just recently found out I was pregnant in August (yay!! We have both always wanted kids!!) I never thought it would happen as I have had a multitude of prior miscarriages (including chromosomal abnormalities) & I have severe endometriosis and PCOS as well. My doctor urged me to take it extremely easy as I am high risk, and try to wrap up working as soon as I could. I said I would have no problem doing that because my partner makes MORE than enough money for us to run off of one income for minimum the last half of my pregnancy as well as the months following, if not way longer. But here I am 20 weeks along & getting ready to go on leave when all of a sudden two weeks before it’s an absolute problem & there is no way he can afford to pay personal bills and my portion the house bills (my personal bills are only $350 a month, he makes that, more actually, in a day, I’m not kidding.) This has been opposite of everything we have ever talked about even prior to pregnancy. He knew if I ever had a baby I would be high risk and not able to work until the later days of my pregnancy. This was not news.
Yes I have money saved up, no, I don’t want to spend it all paying my bills and have Nothing left when I come off of leave. I would be completely understanding if we did not have the means to live off of one income but we most definitely do. I feel trapped because now I have to keep working to pay my bills even after my doctor told me I should not be.
Is it time to see a couples therapist?
Am I overreacting? Being selfish?
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19Daniella96
He needs to give his head a shake.. he is the selfish one, not you, he is 110% in the wrong, not you. I can’t say anymore about this without being very mean towards your husband, I’m 17 weeks with twins and I stay home with both of our toddlers while my husband goes makes $60k a year, it’s VERY doable.
Good luck to you
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Mrs-Pope
@mama2be932,
omg seriously?!?! Run girl. What a pig!
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soph32
Marriage or not, you are partners, not housemates - and he is treating you as a housemate.
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espirit2
you should submit this to Nick Viall’s podcast “Ask Nick”
Asknick@theviallfiles.com
He will give you the best advice
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GreenEyedMom0f2
You are not overreacting nor being selfish. I read a few of the other comments, one of them being about your finances being separate and him saying that it is "his money". Also, you mentioned he doesn't want a traditional marriage because of the government. I call total BS on that. My husband didn't want to get married either ( or so he thought). When him and I first started dating he told me that he was single for a long time, by choice and didn't think marriage or children were for him. Well, I stopped birth control in April and we started planning our wedding in June. We set our date and had everything planned for our wedding on November 2nd and on September 20th , I found out I was pregnant. Both of the things he never wanted before, but ended up wanting both. He was literally a single man for most of his adulthood, his longest relationship was when he was a teenager but he not only adjusted to sharing financial responsibility with me when he moved into my home, he also took on 2 teenagers that were not his. I don't get paid maternity leave and while we need both of our incomes to live comfortably, he is not the least bit concerned about picking up the slack when I am off work recovering from the birth of our child. We have considered our incomes, our money since the moment we moved in together. He should care enough about your health and the health of your child more than money. As for the marriage thing, I agree with a previous post that men use that as an excuse. I agree whole heartedly in the saying "If he wanted to, he would."
Try therapy, see if that helps. Tell him you will stay with a family member that is willing to help you financially while you are on leave. If he cares enough about being with you, he will forgo his "my money" thoughts and choose to have you there with him instead of elsewhere.
Best of luck momma. I pray you have a healthy pregnancy and birth.
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spicy-edaMAMI
Is unemployment or long term disability an option for you since your doctor is recommending you take extra time off? This will give you a percentage of your wages - surely more than enough to cover your bills.
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tiinaa2
This really sounds like a prideful man. I’m wishing for a best outcome for you
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mnmom25
I’m so sorry what an awful position to be in. ��
From a leave work/work standpoint do you have short term disability? If yes, and your doctor is saying you are unable to work due to a medical condition/disability I would consider filing a claim. Or you may have state programs available! Check with Human Resources to see if you have some options for income replacement.
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jrbebe
You are not overreacting. I am sorry to say this but consider that your partner's financial situation may not be what you were led to believe. I would recommend sitting down and requesting that you both give full disclosure about your past financial situation + expectations moving forward, and consider bringing in a third party neutral (therapist or financial planner) to assist.
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BeeMarsh161
Dave Ramsey has some podcasts and insights on this kind of scenario…
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